Please let her spit on my face

If I ever tried to be good 

in front of my villagers

please provoke them

to punch me hard

so that I remember who I am.

If I ever tried to teach my parents

let them slap me hard

so that I fall unto their feet

so that I remember who I am.

If I ever tried to argue with my boss

please ask him to fire me immediately

so that I remember who I am

If I ever tried to be smart 

in front of my friend

please let him unfriend me immediately

so that I remember who I am.

If I ever tried to insult my spouse

Let her forsake me

so that I remember who I am. 

If I I ever tried to order my daughter

let her spit on my face

so that I remember who I am. 

 

Note: Inspired by Akka Mahadevi’s poem

Her beauty? I fell upon her feet

 

Often she appeared

ugly and dirty

like the deities in the temples

unclean.

Often I advised her,

to take shower, 

to take care of

personal hygiene.

Ignorant she looked

Often I taught her

how to spell right

and unmodern she was

Often I advised

to dress up fashion

The only thing attractive

She seemed to have

was a seductive body

Which I tried to ride

I molested her huge 

although in my mind. 

But

Once I removed 

my spectacles 

I realized

She had many forms

ugly, beautiful, fierce, crazy, 

you name it 

And she was so clean 

I could see through her

Her knowledge?

Mine was a speck of dust. 

Her beauty? 

I fell upon her feet. 

Yes! she was a Devi

in the form of a person

right in my home. 

 

An extremely joyful journey

There was darkness

only darkness,

darkness everywhere.

Suddenly I thought

It is boring

Then I found a torch light – my body

I switched the torch light on

with my will power

Then a huge universe emerged

It looked vastly fascinating

and exciting

I liked it very much

and started enjoying it

I continued enjoying it

for about 30 years

But then I started feeling

incompleteness

as I went further

I started feeling some pain

I realized that

I was tied to

an elastic rope of consciousness

The pain increased as I moved further away

the rope is now weathered and feeble

If I move further away, the rope will surely break

At times I feel that

I can buy another rope

in the form of another life

and continue exploring

but the pain seems to ever increase

as if it is being transferred

from one rope to another

So I have decided to stop

As I stopped

I realized that

The rope itself was pulling me in

towards the center

There seems no effort

needed in going back

I am now being continuously pulled in

by the force of grace

towards the darkness

Just like the gravity pulls

its parts towards itself

An extremely joyful journey

The joy of returning home.

 

Shiva! Please let no food come my way!

Akka Mahadevi (~ 1130-1160 AD) was a great devotee of Shiva. She wrote hundreds of beautiful poems about Shiva and her devotion. Her prayer tells everything about her. Every day she prayed Shiva, she begged as follows:

Shiva! Please let no food,

come my way.

Let my body also express,

the longing and anguish,

that I am going through,

to become part of you.

If I eat,

my body will be satisfied,

but,

My body will not know,

what I am feeling.

So please let no food,

come towards me.

If food does come,

into my hands,

please let it,

fall down in the mud,

before I put it,

into my mouth.

And,

if it falls in the mud,

the fool that I am,

before I pick it up,

let a dog come,

and take it away.

What are you looking for?

You are looking for “something”,

yet you don’t know what is that,

at times, you think you got it.

but if you got it,

it is certainly not what you were looking for.

Because,

To get what you are looking for,

is not possible.

You can only dissolve into that.

Both you and that “something”

must vanish together.

so let them both vanish,

Let it be right now.