It was okay if you called me heartless, ruthless, indifferent, inhumane, and selfish until a few days ago. But now that I have become father of a beautiful girl named Nova, please don’t call me so. It really hurts.
Three-hour old Nova.
My friends had told me that having a child is a different and unique experience. But I didn’t believe them. I thought they were saying so out of responsibility and were just pretending to be compassionate human beings. I thought having a child is merely a consequence of evolution and is a burden to the modern society.
It makes sense to a mother to love her child because having carried him/her for 9 months, she could think that the baby is her own body part. A recent research has also shown that fetal cells could migrate into the mother during pregnancy and it could be a reason for mother-child bonding. But for a father to love his child, what more reasons could be there other than a sense of responsibility? Well, there could be more things going on at the reproduction level, but lets not talk about it until research finds anything. I have also heard about the story of Penguin’s fathers who carry the eggs on their feet to save them from ice until the mother returns with some food after a few months. But why would the so-called intelligent human beings be so foolish?
Three-days old Nova.
But, after becoming father of a sweet girl, my perception has changed. I don’t know for how long it will last, but my heart has become fuller and bigger with love. I don’t know whether I have become a complete man, but it is highly likely that I have become a little better person. Now, I realize that my friends were true. To have a child is truly an amazing and unique experience.
I used to smile when I saw some kids around me, but, in the inside, I was an indifferent, heartless person. But now, I see every other kids differently, as the beloved children of their parents.
Nova with her mother.
My mother used to say that love always flows downward, from the parents to their children, not the other way around. At that time I didn’t take her remarks seriously and said “well, may be love also follows the laws of gravity.” But, now, I have more empathy for parents and women. With the birth of our daughter, I feel more connected to my wife. I love the way my wife talks to our daughter. I love the way they play with each other. When I see them playing, I imagine Rihanna singing besides me “Just gonna stand there and watch them play, that’s alright, because you love the way they love.”
One of my friend had told me that having a child is equivalent to taking one course (3 credit hours) in terms of work load. But now I find it even more demanding. Furthermore, for a person like me who needs 8-10 hours of continuous sleep, it is little difficult to adjust. Babies need to have their diaper changed every three/four hours so a continuous sleep is now a dream to me. Taking baby’s medical care and food is not less demanding. And we have to discover our own ways of understanding and soothing the baby because babies communicate only by crying.
Okay, in the end, I have something to say to my unmarried and single friends. Having a child is a must if you want to experience somethings called unconditional love, affection, and compassion. And, every child around you deserves your attention, love, and care. So next time you see a child, please try to smile with a feel, with a heart. May be you can.
Nova with her father. 🙂
To the more matured parents I still have something to say. I don’t know how it feels to have a boy yet, but I can say that if you haven’t had a girl, you might be missing some truly amazing experience. So please consider having a girl before considering family planning. 🙂
My happy family.
Thank you for reading.
Thanks to Yongfei Zhang for inspiring me to write this post this morning.